David was delivered still born May,25,1990.
Below you will be able to read my pregnancy story as well as my never ending battle with grief. Along
with some links to resources. I would also like to ask that you please Do Not take this background,
this one was made by me for my son David who is no longer with us. We do however have an adoption
open called In Memory Of We will create a custom made buttons for you, all that is require is a
link back to us, so other's will be to have their own In Memory Button.
Please give this page
time to load
What is Trisomy 18 or Edward's Syndrome?
A syndrome is a collection of signs and symptoms,
which, together form an identifiable inherited abnormality Trisomy 18 is a syndrome caused by an extra
18th chromosome. It is also called Edward's Syndrome, after Dr. John Edwards, who first identified the
extra chromosome and published a report describing Trisomy 18 in 1960 Trisomy 18 is a relatively rare
chromosomal anomaly, it occurs approximately once in every 2000 live births, And its cause is unknown.
Most babies with Trisomy 18 do not survive the first year of life. If they do, they are usually profoundly
retarded and have developmental, motor and verbal disabilities.
To My Sweet Angel For you my child who will never be born, The days go on that I mourn. The
world so cruel and unkind, Each and ever day you are on my mind. For how I wish for you to be here,
There are so many special days we will not share. For you I will never see smile or teeth, How
sadly you had to leave. Every knows how depressed I have come, Do they understand I will never
hear the words Mom. For I love you with all my heart, I am so sad that we had to part. You
my loved one never got the chance, But oh let me tell you it was love at first glance. For seven
precious months ,I felt you grow, Oh why on earth did you have to go. You made me grow up and have
to learn, That in a fleeting moment your life can turn. Emptiness inside is all I feel, This
kind of pain shall never heal. For a short time you made my life bright, Opened my eyes to a whole
new light. No one in this world will ever see, How much you really meant to me. For you were
apart of me inside, Only you know the tears I cried. I know I will never hold you again, Everyone
says you will go on my friend. How I wish you could stay, But no my sweet baby you have been
taken away. No one is sorrier than I. For you my beautiful child had to die. Love Mom (This
poem was written by me)
This is my story:
In 1989,I under went surgery to reconstruct my uterus My uterus had been
turned side ways because of massive amounts of adhesions due to endometriosis. The doctor could not say
for certain if we would ever be able to conceive. But sure enough six months after the surgery I was
able to get pregnant. My husband and I were thrilled as you can image we beat the odds, after a year
of trying and surgery we were well on our way to a family. When I found out I was pregnant we had just
transferred to New York ,my husband was in the Navy, and we just finished out our stay in Orlando Florida.
The pregnancy was progressing normally we heard the heartbeat around 14 weeks, went for the AFP test
somewhere around 16 weeks, which was normal. At 20 week, The nurse came in to do my vitals all
normal, she turned on the Doppler to find the babies heartbeat, she started having problems ,so she went
and got another one she still could not get the heart beat ,by this time I was already feeling sick to
my stomach, she went and got the doctor, who came in and picked up the baby's heart beat without a problem.
He said he must of been in an awkward position and it was hard for the nurse to get the heart beat. He
did his normal check, and everything was perfect we were right on schedule. At 24 weeks I went back
for another normal Ob- visit, baby was moving and kicking right along ,again the nurse had a difficult
time finding the heartbeat, she asked the doctor if he could do it again. This time he too was having
a hard time getting the baby's heartbeat. They sent me down for an emergency ultra sound, as
you can image I was so sick to my stomach again, the tech found the baby's heartbeat right away, and
everything seemed to be normal. The size of the baby was perfectly pre portioned for 24 weeks ,so relieved
I left to go home. I ran into the doctors while I was there ,he had come down to check me. He was happy
to hear the good news and said that he must of been hiding in a funny position again. At 28 weeks
I returned for another normal Ob- check up, feeling great my husband and I went out and started purchasing
baby items ,right before my appointment feeling very good baby was kicking and wiggling all that
morning while were out. Little did I know those were going to be the last kicks I ever felt. I went
into the doctor's office again the doctor and nurse could not find the heartbeat, he said not to worry
we have been down this route already ,I honestly was not worried because we had problems with the heart
beat the last two times so much we learn after. I went to the hospital to have another ultra sound,
The tech came in, she too was pregnant ,and she was saying do not worry this happens more times than
you think and all is fine. When suddenly she got this very funny looking face, She turned the screen,
and went out to the get the doctor My husband and I were not expecting the news we were about to hear,
The doctor came in and started doing the ultra sound herself ,All of sudden she turned off the
screen and turned to my husband and I and said I am very sorry your baby has died. How could this possible
be ,he was kicking and moving all morning long. She said I do not know it must of been sudden. Complete
in shock not knowing what to say or do. My husband and I just cried. The doctor came back in and said
we needed to return to the doctor's office for additional instructions. We stumbled out of the hospital
,my husband trying to hold me up, my legs did not want to work anymore. We returned to the doctor's
office. I am sitting there with a bunch of other pregnant women all happy and giddy while I am just hysterical.
I tell you is that mean or what to make me wait in the lobby. We went in to the see the doctor, I
told him again how can this be true the baby was moving and kicking this morning ,He did not have an
answer. He said we need to have you back in the hospital tomorrow morning to start inducing labor
,unless you go into labor on your own tonight. Again how can you possible send someone home, To this
day I never understood why they would ever send a woman home. So they say its better for the body if
you go into labor on your own. Even if that is so ,I still think its horrible no one should be sent home
in that type of condition. My husband and I drove home in silence ,In all honestly I kept
thinking this had to be a bad dream. This cannot be possible happening. When we got home my husband
called our family members they too could not believe the news. My Mother ,Brother and Sister drove from
Massachusetts to be with us. This was probably the worst night of my life, To this day I cannot even
remember most of it, I was just so out of it. I tried to stay awake, for fear of closing my eyes ,Every
time I closed my eyes I woke up with horrible nightmares, Awake I would collapse from crying and exhaustion.
I started having horrible hallucinations ,I was starting to go into mental shock by the time
morning had arrived. My Mother Husband and I headed to the hospital, still thinking this cannot be real.
When finally I saw a couple of nurse's heading in my direction. I snapped tried to run thinking
If I left than my baby would be fine. I finally collapsed on the floor, and went into shock. The
doctor told my husband they needed to perform a Emergency C-section. Next thing I know I am waking in
the recovery ,thinking yes this was a dream when I reached down to pat my tummy, my tummy was no longer
the comforting feeling I had known for seven months. Hysterical again in recovery they sedated me. They
pretty much kept me sedated my entire five days in the hospital. The next day the nurse's brought
in my beautiful baby boy. My husband cried like I had never seen him before, he wanted a boy more than
anything ,and he got a perfect little angel. I unwrapped him from the blanket they had him wrapped in,
and took off his hat, I wanted to see what could possible been so wrong for him to be taken away from
me so soon. He was perfect ten little fingers and toes and all. The only part that was not so perfect
was the incision down the front of his body ,they preformed an autopsy after the birth. The cause of
death was heart failure due to Trisomy 18 a rare chromosomal problem. At the time I had no idea what
Trisomy 18 was ,all I knew was I was only 23 years old ,and my life went from planning the birth of our
first son ,first grandson to planning funeral arrangements. This was just too much to bear for one
person. I have to say another very difficult moment for us was ,they placed me on a maternity floor.
They tried to get me to leave my room and walk around after my c-section. I refused to walk the halls
with new mother's and their babies. I honestly too did not care how quickly I would recover from the
surgery. I had no one to recover for. I spent five very long ,lonely, blurry days in the hospital.
Leaving the hospital was very difficult for us, Since everyone was being discharged at the same time
,All the new parents were leaving with their new bundle of joys, and all we got to leave with was the
momentum's of our son. When we returned home ,the Military was very kind, they sent us many flower
arrangements had gave my husband extra time off for our grief. I would say the hardest thing is right
after you give birth you body doesn't know it doesn't have a baby to feed. By the time I came
home ,my breast were filled with milk ,We lived in close military quarters, so when I heard other babies
crying my breast would let down. They can give you a shot to stop your milk from coming in. Except our
doctor did not believe in it. The months following his death took a huge physical and mental toll
on my body. My body never healed right after the C-section ,I was in and out of doctor's office from
one infection to the next. My doctor turned on me in my time of need. I called him to get medical information
,and for him to treat the problems I was having. He would not see me, he had another doctor treat me.
The nurse finally told me he was having a very difficult time coping with loss of our son. This was his
first delivery of a Still born baby. You know to this day that just irritates me. If he had stopped to
realize that this may have been a difficult time in his career how does think this has affected our lives.
Going to the doctors was the only time I left my house. I refused to go out in fear that I would see
a pregnant women or a baby, I watched very little for fear of turning on the and seeing the same. One
time my husband persuaded me to go with him to the store ,and don't you know I bumped into a mother
who had a newborn in a baby carriage ,I lost it I crashed into a display, hysterically crying, my
husband picked me and carried me out, after that he said he would never make me go out again ,until I
was ready. Our relatives came to visit frequently ,I was still being heavily sedative. The grief had
just totally consumed me and I know longer wanted to live in this world that would take away the one
thing that meant most to me in my life....The loss of a child is something that will profoundly change
your life. I went from a very bubbly person to a person who is always in fear of something going
wrong. It has been 16 years since the death of my son, to write this and relive it in my mind is still
so horrible difficult. I miss my baby boy more than I could ever tell anyone. My arms ache and my heart
aches for baby who I never watched grow. The hospital took photo's ,feet and finger prints, we got to
keep the blankets, and hat that he used ,in his short time here on earth. When I am feeling lonely I
take down those precious items of his, and hold them dear and I can once again remember how it felt to
hold him near.... 16 years later I am the proud mother of three living children. Jessica age 15, John
age 12, and Jennifer age 10.You may read about their birth stories on my High Risk Pregnancy Page.
From the time I had my first surgery to conceive my son, my body has been through more than one body
should. From four C-sections, two miscarriages and 13 abdominal surgeries. Every day is a day of constant
pain. You may read about my chronic pain problems under My Pain My Story As much as I have
been through, I would not be here if it was not for the strength and love of my family. They have
all held me together when life was trying to shake me apart.
Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you, That
is how I know you go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us You have come to show you
go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on. Once more, you open
the door And you're here in my heart, And my heart will go on and on. Love can touch us one
time and last for a lifetime, And never let go till we're gone. Love was when I loved you, one
true time I hold to. In my life we'll always go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that
the heart does go on. Once more, you open the door And you're here in my heart, And my heart
will go on and on. You're here, there's nothing to fear, And I know that my heart will go on. We'll
stay forever this way. You are safe in my heart, And my heart will go on and on.
National Children's Memorial Day is now a reality President Clinton will sign the proclamation
on Friday, Dec. 11.
This lovely graphic and the one above of the baby in hands came from this talented ladies website.
Please stop by to visit her beautiful site to get your own. Click on the logo below.
of these graphics were made by me. Please Do Not take any these, My graphics were made with tears.
If you would like something just ask. Thank You
Thank you for these very special gifts. They honestly mean the world to me. Hugs Kimmi